Christmas is just around the corner and people are already falling over each other to grab bargains and special offers in the High Street stores. A couple of weeks back I was on Oxford Street and I could feel myself being carried along by the swell of people trying to get their Christmas shopping done. Not that I really wanted to go down Oxford Street (I was actually making my way to the Apple Store on Regent Street), just the combined movement of the desperate shoppers sent me in a general direction like a raging torrent. My biggest mistake was wandering into Hamley’s: the toy store. The crowds in there were unbelievable and despite not being one to succumb to panic, I could feel the well of fear inside me as the crowds became denser and the air thick with a cacophony of Christmas music and hustle bustle.
Every year I have tried my utmost to get my own shopping done early, but it has never happened. I’ve always had to make the effort to get presents that need posting off early, but everything else I’ve left until the last minute, and like the insane fruitcake that I am, I’ve found myself amongst the Christmas Eve husbands in town desperately trying to find something for their wives. It’s not that I am lazy, (well I am, but that’s not the point), it’s that though I enjoy Christmas, I also hate it. I know everyone rolls out the usual excuse that Christmas has become too commercial and yes it has, I suppose for me it just goes on far too long. I for one don’t want to get in “Christmas zone” in late October, steadily shopping throughout November safe within the knowledge that I’ve planned it out properly and have avoided any upset. I want to forget about Christmas until I actually have to start worrying about it. I want normality and stability in my life and inviting the Christmas shopping gods into your life eight or ten weeks before the event both increases the stress levels of proceedings, but also somehow in my opinion dilutes the more pleasant aspects of the season.
Before I start to sound like a complete Scrooge, I do like having my tree up, buying presents for my family and eating Christmas grub. I’m just not into the experience of shuffling through the crowds around Boots listening to “Step into Christmas” by Elton John, Greg Lake with “I Believe in Father Christmas” and anything by Paul McCartney. I’ve done it all too often and this year I must try my hardest to avoid that if I can.
Easily, the best thing innovation in recent times is online shopping. Not only is “The Internet for Porn” but it also pretty neat for online shopping. I already do my grocery shopping with a few clicks of a mouse in a fraction of the time it used to take me, but now I’ve started doing as much gift shopping as I can via online stores. No, I don’t care if I don’t get to browse around WH Smith’s or HMV, I just want to get it done with the minimum fuss. I can pick what I want just as easily from Amazon or any number of other retailers safe in the knowledge that it will get delivered in reasonable time. I even got my Great Aunt’s birthday flowers online this year for the first time. The experience was painless, in fact almost too painless, but I got to pick what I wanted, and she loved them. The plan this year is to get my family’s presents done in good time online. Rather than looking at final posting dates and spending £40 on sending a parcel, I’m planning to go up in a week or two on the train. In a way it’ll be a little like a weekend break, only with relatives and to be honest I can’t justify lining the pockets of Royal Mail’s shareholders, just for a stupid little package.
Anyway, I hope to have the tree up by the weekend and I’ll try and get a chicken ordered (a turkey’s just too darn big – even for a hungry lad like myself). Hopefully I’ll manage to avoid the usual banana skins and have the sort of Christmas I want to have – quiet and relaxing.
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